Sabu
“We are not meant to be.”
“I have always known but I told myself this big fat lie all this time. I can no longer lie to myself.”
My best friend, Lyri had never spoken to me with so much conviction about her relationship. I pondered on her words. I think I triggered this spiral. Moments ago, I was gushing about the encounter I had with a new catch. Now my best friend was about to throw away hers.
“Lyri, come on. You do not mean that.”
“Sabu, I do, I really do. I never spoke about this with you because I did not want to lie to you as well.”
“Tay and I never had a moment. We never had a moment,” Lyri repeated.
“I just found myself in this relationship and I stayed. I stayed because I had nothing better. I never expressed this indifference. I was lazy and felt he would leave on his own. Maybe Tay deserves better. I don’t love him, never have and I don’t know if I ever will.”
She was sobbing now, and I could not think of how to comfort her and stop her sobs. She was visibly distressed. Maybe if she talked some more, she would feel better. So, I asked her how they met. I had never heard the story because they were together before Lyri and I became friends. We talked about everything but somehow never this.
“I met Tay 4 years ago at a store close to where I worked”, Lyri now calm said.
“He was behind me at the checkout. I thought I had forgotten my phone at the office and searched my bag for it when he offered to dial it. Turns out my phone was on the counter. I had brought it out. He asked if he could save my number, I agreed. Later that day, he sent me a message. I didn’t even remember how he looked like then. That’s how much I didn’t care. But we started talking, he was nice to me, always been nice even till this day but I have never felt connected.”
“Don’t you see something is missing? Every other person I had liked, loved, there was always a moment of knowing with them. Okay, take Jake, for instance, I saw him, and I knew I wanted to be with him. Even Edgar who nobody felt we matched; the first time I saw him, something about him intrigued me. We had a fling, yeah, but I was interested. With Tay, I have never felt that.”
I did not know Jadi or Edgar, but I was not about to correct her. Her shuffling movement jolted me out of my thoughts.
“Sabu,” Lyri said in a hurried tone. “I need to have this conversation with Tay. I’ll let you know. “
Lyri left.
There were so many layers to it. I could not say this was right or not. Was it necessary to have a moment of knowing with your partner? Do you really need that to stay together? Love is a choice, and you could decide to be with someone even if you do not feel that connection. That is not bad, is it?
Tay was the only person in her life that truly understood her. They did everything together. Asides from me, he was her best friend.
I saw only two outcomes; she stays and continues to have doubts about the relationship, or she leaves and might have regrets if she never finds someone as good as Tay.
Okay, three. Third, she meets someone else who would make her happy. She could also decide to be single and live as an independent woman who is in love with herself and life. So, I guess four outcomes.
I need to help her.
Musings of Chiarmi 